Tomorrow ...

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love you, Tomorrow! You're Only a Day Away!

I got the call last night. Jon will be home in less than 24 hours. I'm feeling strangely calm. :)

Just Breathe

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Thank goodness for yoga. Otherwise, I'm sure I wouldn't have taken a single breath since last weekend. My stomach is constantly in flip-flop mode. My chest has this tight, anxious feeling. (Which is actually working out to be the perfect appetite suppressant -- I may look pretty good in all that new lingerie after all!) I constantly have tears behind my eyes, ready to fall anytime I hear or see something emotional. My husband is coming home THIS WEEK!!!!!!! Oh. My. God. Is this really for real? He should be leaving Iraq Tuesday and then be home by the end of the week. I'm just DYING of excitement!

I've spent the entire weekend trying to get the house ready for him. It's almost like having a guest come to stay -- too funny! I even cleaned my blinds and vacuumed around the baseboards. It is so wierd to look over at his side of the bed and know that he will be there by this time next week! It makes me very excited, but also a little nervous. I know from experience that it takes a while to adjust to each other again. But it's oh so worth it!

Right now, I'm at school trying to get things ready for the week. But I'm so anxious that I can't get anything done. School is still going really well. I honestly love coming to work everyday. My student teacher is doing a great job and will be starting to take more responsibility soon, which is great for me! The hardest part is knowing that we could possibly move before the end of the school year if Jon decides to stick with the Army. I love my kids and my school, and it would be REALLY hard to leave them without finishing the year, but after being away from my husband so much during the past 3.5 years, I think it would be the right choice.

I'll keep you updated on the welcome home. Hopefully I'll even have a few pictures to post soon!

Decision #1

So I got news today that my husband has made the first decision in deciding on some possibilities for our future. He is going to go to Special Forces Selection this October. On one hand, I'm really nervous about this -- I'm still not sure about the whole SF lifestyle. On the other hand, I'm really excited for him! This means that when he comes home, he will have a few weeks to train up and then be leaving again for about 30 days to try out for SF. So anyways, one decision down!

I just got home from dinner with my friends. They have officially approved the "Coming Home" dress. And I thought my wedding dress was important -- The "Coming Home" dress is what I'll be wearing the first time he's seen me in 9 months! Oh the pressure! I can't wait!

School is going well. I can't believe we've only been in class for 5 days! It has seemed so much longer! I'm exhausted! Everything with my student teacher is going well. Thank you Heidi, for reminding me to just let go of some of my control issues and give this person a chance to LEARN how to be a teacher. It has given me a whole new attitude and perspective about it all. Two more days until the weekend .... :)

School Is Now In Session!

Yes, you read that correctly. I have just finished Day 2 of school. I am exhausted -- completely not used to speaking in my "teacher voice" for 7 hours a day and constantly "performing" in front of students. Oh yeah, and my feet are KILLING me -- they are used to flip-flops, not heels!

Despite all of this, I am LOVING my kiddos! I feel so lucky to have looped with my students from last year. We are literally picking up right where we left off. They have been completely angelic so far and all smiles as they come to class each day. I'm so glad we've had a great first few days -- what a relief! All those recurring nightmares for nothing! I think having a student teacher will be my biggest challenge in the coming months. It's hard to turn over your students and your classroom to someone else! Especially me, because I'm completely organized and anal when it comes to my job. I like everything a certain way. I'm praying for lots of patience and flexibility! Oh yeah, and a little bit of wisdom to share with this person, too!

Only about 2.5 more weeks until Jon is home! The days couldn't possibly go by any slower. I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Tears at the PX

Before I go into complaining mode here, I have to talk about some positives.

1) My husband should be leaving to come home for R&R in 3 weeks! YAY!! Can I just tell you that I'm SOOOOOO excited and SOOO nervous to see him! I just bought the dress that I am going to wear when I pick him up at the airport and I feel like a gazillion bucks in it. What a relief. Now if I could just find some sexy lingerie that makes me feel the same way ...

2) School starts Thursday and I am so looking forward to seeing my kiddos! I just got my class lists and I had the majority of the students last year also. I am so lucky! I have really enjoyed being back at work, visiting with coworkers and getting everything ready for my students. Let's just hope I'm not singing a different tune after two weeks!

Okay, time for a little complaining. I just finished reading Daily Dentes and I feel like she is reading my mind about "Life on the D-List." I pretty much feel like everyone around here is over the collective feelings of patriotism and pride that this community had at the start of OIF. It's like no one cares if your husband is in the military, or even deployed for that matter. The first deployment was SOOO different. The spouses and community really pulled together and made life for those left behind bearable. We had coffees once a month, with other get-togethers in-between. (I know some wives don't agree with the whole "Coffee" concept, but I'm not picky -- I'll take friendship and support wherever I can get it.) There were tons of great activities planned on post. The Army and Fort Carson really made us spouses feel like we were part of something important -- that our roles as spouses left behind were vital to the success of our soldiers and our way of serving our country. I feel completely different now. Maybe that's why I've been feeling so bitter about this deployment and the Army in general.

On Saturday, I went to the PX to return an External Hard Drive. Since my husband was moving from one FOB to another, he wanted to save the information he had been working with, and so asked me to send him one. I bought it for about $120 at the PX and sent it in June. When Jon got it, he noticed that it had already been used before and had someone else's information already downloaded onto it. He mailed it back to me while I was in Michigan. So I really didn't think it was going to be a problem to return it. I mean, the worst they could do was give me store credit, right? I had the receipt and everything.

Boy, was I wrong. Turns out, the PX has a 15 day return policy on all computer hardware and software. Completely understandable. However, I asked to talk to the manager. I explained to her that there was no way I could have returned the item in 15 days because I sent it to my husband, who was deployed in Iraq. Plus, it was already used by someone else, and I felt like they had sold me a DEFECTIVE product. At first, she acted like she really didn't care and that there was nothing she could do. I continued to plead my case, getting very frustrated at her lack of understanding or even compassion. Then she started acting like my attempt at returning the item was suspicious. I couldn't help it -- the tears just came. You know when you are trying so hard not to cry and they just come anyways, and they won't stop? That was what happened! I was so angry and embarrassed. I thought that if any store would understand this situation, it would be the PX! Plus, I was wondering what I was going to do with a $120 hard drive that didn't even work right. After I started crying, she got a little flustered and decided to give me a store credit. As soon as I got the receipt, I walked out to my car and just sat there and sobbed.

I was so angry that I even had to go through that. I was so frustrated that my husband has been gone for so long and nobody even CARES around here! I was so OVER the Army. I kind of still am ...

First Day Jitters

Right now I'm excited to start a new school year just so that I can get some sleep again. I'm usually a good sleeper -- I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, stay in the same position all night, and awake in a bed that hardly needs to be made. My sisters have even accused me of having narcolepsy because I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. Lately, though, I've just had a terrible time falling asleep. I have 50 million details running through my mind about starting school in two weeks. Then, when I finally do fall asleep, I have one of two recurring nightmares:

1) My kids walk in the first day of school and I have nothing planned. I am completely unprepared.

2) My kids won't listen to anything I say. They won't follow directions and I'm in front of the class screaming at them. The class is out of control.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that my student teacher is in the back of the room observing me in both nightmares? (I did inform you all that I will be having a student teacher this year, right?)

I also must add that neither of these scenarios have ever actually happened in real life. What's with the nerves? I've definitely had them prior to the start of school for the past three years, but do they ever go away? Let's hope so!

Despite the nerves, I'm actually getting pretty excited to start working again. I'll have the same kids this year as last year (I loved them!). I love my school, my administration, and my coworkers. I'm looking forward to feeling "productive" again at the end of the day. And the icing on top of the cake is that my hubby will be coming home just four weeks after school starts! I CAN'T WAIT!!

Wine Tasting

My younger sister, Lauren, and her boyfriend were here visiting last week. On Friday, we decided to take advantage of the beautiful vineyards around us and travel around to some local wineries to do a little wine-tasting. We live in the middle of Southwest Michigan's "Wine Trail" and so visited Lemon Creek Winery, Domaine Winery, The Round Barn Winery, and Tabor Hill Winery. It was too fun! I tried to be a grown-up wine drinker and try all of the reds, but if there's one thing I learned, it's that I just don't like 'em! My favorites were the sparkling wines, the Demi-Secs, and a special Cranberry Wine from The Round Barn. I'm excited to take Jon for some tasting when he's home for R and R. I just kept thinking how much he would love it!

Coming to an End

I can't believe it.

I'm going back home in only 11 days. My summer is quickly coming to an end. I've been trying to just soak up every single moment of time spent with my loved ones before I go back to my empty house. I feel like a little kid getting ready to take a bath. They don't want to get in, but once they're in they don't want to get out! When I first came home, I was nervous about getting bored and annoyed with my family. But it's been so much fun that now I don't want to leave!

Ahhhh ... well. Jon and I will be coming back to visit while he is on leave in September. I guess that's not so long, right? I'm very excited for Jon to come home. I am a little nervous, though. I don't want to say goodbye to him again once he's home!

The last week has been quite busy and a lot of fun. My sister, Lauren, is here visiting for 10 days. We went to Chicago last Friday and had Uno's pizza and caught a show at The Second City (a comedy club with sketches similar to SNL). On Saturday, we spent the entire day on the boat -- fishing, wakeboarding, and tubing. Then, on Sunday, all of us girls went to spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa's. On Tuesday, I went to visit two of my close friends who used to live at Fort Carson. What a blessing -- but oh how I miss them!

I'm so glad I decided to visit my family for the summer! I just wish that it hadn't gone by so fast!

Good News

Oh yeah! We did get some good news the other day -- Jon will be coming home in about 2 months for some R&R. I CANNOT WAIT to see him!

Inspiration

I can't stop thinking (and worrying, and crying) about the upcoming decision we have to make about whether or not to stay in the Army. Originally, Jon said that he wanted to either try Special Forces or get out. Now, he is bringing some other options to the table -- other options within the Army, that is. Frankly, we are a little overwhelmed! I think that I pray at least 10 times each day that the Lord will make the right path clear to us. I think that deep down in my gut, I feel like the right thing to do would be to stay in the Army. I wonder if this feeling is from the Lord? On the other hand, I also feel like I know what we should do, but I don't want to do it. Like I know it will be hard, so I'm fighting it. And round and round we go ...

It's hard to explain. During the day, I just feel certain that Jon should stay in and that I CAN DO IT as a military wife. I feel like God is calling us to this, and I want to be able to step up to the plate and be the strong military wife and mother that He wants me to be. But then at night I change my mind! Especially when I talk to Jon in the middle of the night. He talks about staying in and right away I get a kind of sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. What does all of this mean?

There are two songs I've been listening to on my iPod lately. They are so inspirational to me, so I thought I'd share. :)

IF YOU WANT ME TO by Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken, and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to

Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise you're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire if you want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself
And I can't hear you answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering you're love put you through
And I will go through the valley if you want me to


PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM by Casting Crowns
I was sure by now,
God, you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away ...
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen"
And it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You've never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you and raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on if I can't find you?

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and earth

Blessed

The girls in my family (me included) have always had a "fat" complex. We are all normal sized, athletic-looking women -- far from obese, but nowhere near twiggy. We are constantly saying to one another that we need to go on a diet, lose weight, "I'm such a cow!" etc. etc. You get the point. My mom usually joins in these little sessions, but always ends by saying -- "You know what? We could be really sick with cancer or be paralyzed or something like that. We should be thankful for the healthy bodies that God has given us. No more complaining!"

I used to work out because I wanted to be ready for whatever sport I was playing. It was easy to be motivated when I had a goal in mind. However, there are times in your life when your only goal for exercise is to stay in shape or to keep from gaining weight. These are the times when it's hard to be motivated and you sometimes dread working out. Last night, I was at the YMCA at the Step Aerobics class that my sister and I signed up for this summer. I used to love Step, but for some reason, I abhor going to this class every Monday and Wednesday. Maybe it's because our teacher is SOOOO BORING -- I don't know. Anyways, here I was, thinking I would rather be anywhere in the world than jumping around on this step when I saw something that made me stop and think.

There was a man in a wheelchair just coming in to the gym. He had no legs -- just a torso that was probably cut off just below his belly button. He would ride his wheelchair around the track twice, then stop for water, then do it again, etc. I was sickened by how selfish I was, by how instead of praising God for the blessing of being able to move around as I please and jump up and down on this step, I had been complaining about having to exercise. I thought about how I feel sometimes when I drive by a really nice house and I think "Do those people know how lucky they are? What must that be like?" You know when you see something that you just really wish that you had, but you know it will never happen? That must be how this man felt watching us in the aerobics room. Did we know how lucky we were?

How did I get so lucky to have a healthy body, free from disease or disability? That could have easily been me in that wheelchair. For this simple reason, I am so blessed.

Fourth of July Fun

Despite the fact that my hunky husband wasn't home to snuggle with me during fireworks, I had a really good Fourth of July! Actually, in the ten years we've been a couple, I think we've only spent this holiday together twice! YIKES!! Of course, I thought about my soldier all day and my heart swelled with pride knowing that he is doing such a good job serving our great country. :)

Every year, our city has a fireworks display on the beach. I've watched this many times from the sand, but this year was the first time I've watched it from the water. It was AWESOME!!! On July 3, we took the boat out around 8:30 and entertained ourselves on the lake with pizza and Euker until the fireworks started at 10:45. I went with my mom, dad, brother, and some of his friends. We were a little paranoid about taking the boat out after hearing from my brother-in-law that it took him 7hours to get back to the docks the last time he went. However, we were very lucky and ended up being the first boat in line on the river back to our dock. Everything was going great until we started to park in our boat-slip. Something happened and our engines went out and we couldn't get it started again! Here we were, blocking the river and being pushed back downstream and into other boats!!! Luckily, we flagged someone down who was able to tow us back to our slip and all was well. WHEW!!! That could have ended up badly!

The next morning, July 4, I went to a little Amish town in Indiana with my in-laws. The town is called "Shipshewana" and has a big flea market. We shopped around the market for a little while, then went and had lunch at an Amish restaurant on the way back. I LOVED seeing all of the Amish people. The little kids, especially, are SOOOO CUTE in their little bonnets and black hats! All I could think about was a series I read about an Amish family by Beverly Lewis (The Covenant, The Betrayal, The Sacrifice, The Prodigal, The Revelation) I SO Enjoyed reading this about a family who delighted in one another so much! They are Christian fiction and left me with such a warm feeling in my heart!

Anyways, after spending the morning in Shipshewana, I came home and spent the rest of the afternoon with my mom, sister, and my sweet sweet Grandma! My dad went fishing with Grandpa and my father-in-law. In the evening, everyone met back at my house for a cookout. What fun!

Don't be Misled By My Blog ...

Just FYI ... I do have a life outside of watching television! :)

24

Early last week, my mom and I were bored and looking for a new movie to watch. We ended up borrowing the first season of 24 from a friend. I just have to say ... it's completely addicting! I loved it! If you are looking for a good show that you and your spouse can both enjoy, give it a try! I can't wait to start season 2, although it is severely cutting into my reading time! :)

Pick on Someone Your Own Size!

Last night, I watched America Has Talent for the first time. It is a new show, much like American Idol, which has several different individuals/groups competing in a "talent show" where the winner receives a million dollars. Although I thought some of the acts were pretty good, I was appalled when a woman got on stage dressed as Snow White and then proceded to STRIP down to a sequined bra and teeeeensy weeeeensy panties. I guess her talent was exotic dancing? Come on! There are KIDS watching this show! Of course, since the judging panel consisted of two men and only one woman, Miss Snow White was advanced to the next round. And that's not even the worst part. At the end of the show, they showed a few seconds of other performances who also made it into the next round, but didn't get put on the show. They put A STRIPPER on television instead of a boy playing his violin or a group of young teens dancing. UGGH!

Still, what bothered me the most had nothing to do with the stripper. The very last act was an eleven-year old little red-head girl who literally blew everyone's socks off. Her name was Bianca Ryan and she was AWESOME!! The first two judges stood and applauded, then gave her lots of much-deserved praise. Then it was time for the third judge -- the "Simon Cowell" of the panel. He started by telling her she needed to change her hair, get a new dress, and some new shoes. After that he told her she was good. I seriously wanted to cry for that little girl. Imagine how excited she was when she got ready to go on the show! I'm sure she and her parents spent DAYS deciding what she would wear, went out and bought her a new outfit, and assured her that she looked dazzlingly beautiful before she went out on stage. She looked completely appropriate for a girl of her age, but I guess since she wasn't dressed as sexy or flashy as Snow White, Mr. Cowell-Guy thought it was okay to make fun of her on national television! What message does that send to every pre-teen girl in America? I'm so disgusted!

Torn

Earlier this month, we began the last year of our committment to the Army. Last year at this time, we were sure that we'd be staying in -- if not for 20 years, at least long enough for Jon to get his master's degree and possibly teach somewhere. However, since then our thoughts about staying in have changed a lot. We are honestly torn about whether we should stay in the Army or join the civilian world. It is SUCH a hard decision -- especially because we are looking at two opposite ends of the military spectrum -- getting out or trying for Special Forces.

I have been trying to just leave the decision up to Jon, and let him know that I will support him either way. We both trust that the Lord will guide us to where we're supposed to be. This doesn't mean I don't think about it every day, though! Each day, I go back and forth about what I think we should do. Selfishly, I often find myself wanting him home with me and out of harm's way forever. I want him to be able to enjoy being a father who is always home with his kids -- sometimes the thought of being a single mother scares me. Of course, when I talk to anyone in my family about this, they nod their heads adamantly and say that the best thing for our family would be for Jon to get out of the Army.

But then I find myself looking at the whole thing from a different perspective. When I look at the job description for Special Forces, I feel like it perfectly describes my husband. He LOVES that kind of stuff! The more challenging and impossible a task is, the more he enjoys it. He loves the physical part of his job. He thrives on the responsiblity of leading people and the bonds he creates with his soldiers. I know that Jon would try for special for Special Forces without even a second thought if he was still a single soldier. My biggest fear is that if we do decide to get out, Jon will look back in 10 years and say, "I wish I would've ... ." I know that our first priority should be our family -- and that the healthiest families probably have both parents around most of the time. However, I also believe that some people have a higher calling, and are called to make sacrifices in order to make a difference in this world. After all, our country was founded and developed by men and women who had the courage to make these sacrifices.

Anyways, as I was talking to Jon last night, I told him that I wish we could talk with a Special Forces family to see what advice they would have for us. Like ... What is life really like for an SF family? Would you make the same decision all over again? How do your kids adjust? If there are any SF families out there who have any words of wisdom, I would love to hear from you! And those of you who have already made the decision to stay in or get out -- what are some of the different things you considered?

Like I said, we completely trust that the Lord will show us just where we're supposed to be! And I know we'll end up happy either way. We have plenty of time to decide, we're just a little torn right now!

Update

Okay, so I want to have another wedding. To the same groom, of course. I just want to pick out a new dress, a new cake, new flowers, new bridesmaids' dresses, etc. Don't get me wrong -- I LOVED my wedding. I just want all of the excitement of another one!

This last weekend, I got to visit my friend Ally in Fort Worth. We were roommates and teammates all four years of college and she recently got engaged. While I was visiting, we spent lots of time looking for a wedding dress, looking at invitations, and browsing through wedding magazines. HOW FUN!! It was kind of like we just shopped all weekend, but didn't spend any money. :) (My husband is LOVING reading this right now!) I also got to spend some time with my Aunt MK (my mom's sister) and her family. She has a new grandson that my cousin and his wife adopted from Russia last fall and I got to meet him for the first time -- he was soooo cute! It was just such a great weekend, I didn't want it to end!

I really love the Fort Worth/Dallas Metroplex and think it would be a great place to live. I lived there for 4 years while I was in college. However, I was reminded of something on my visit. I have been so used to life in Colorado Springs, where money doesn't seem to be a huge priority for people. Sure, some of my friends are into clothes -- but we splurge by going to Target or TJ MAXX, not Prada or Nieman Marcus (I probably even spelled it wrong!). Maybe I'm just uber-sensitive, but I'd forgotten how everything is such a show there. The pressure of "doing well" and appearing "perfect" is kind of overwhelming. Kind of makes me scared to live there again some day -- Jon and I had talked about that as a possibility. Who knows? Just some observations ...

For right now, I'm PERFECTLY happy in Michigan. Yes, I'm a little bit bored. BUT, I'm spending almost every day at the beach, picking strawberries at the farm down the road, walking with my mom every night, and spending lots of QT with the people I love most (minus my hubby, of course)! My mom has a wonderful way of "filling my bucket" -- making me feel loved and important. I am so lucky to be a part of such a wonderful family as I realize more and more that many people aren't so fortunate.

The Break-Up

I just got back from seeing The Break-Up with my mom and sister. It is one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. REALLY FUNNY -- Maybe just because Vince Vaughn's character reminds me so much of my husband in so many ways. I'll have to be sure to watch it with him when he gets home so that we can both laugh about it!

Book Review: The Kitchen Boy

I just finished my first summer read, The Kitchen Boy by Robert Alexander.


I LOVED this book. It was a quick read and kept me on the edge of my seat. It is about the Romanov family. The father of this family -- Nicholas -- was the last Tsar of Russia. It tells about their final month of house arrest before they are killed by members of the Bolshevik revolution. It is told from the point of view of one of their servants. There is a great twist at the end. I would DEFINITELY recommend this book for anyone out there who likes historical fiction.

I also found out the the same author wrote a book called Rasputin's Daughter. Maybe I'll have a chance to fit that one in this summer, too!

Military Slide Show

My Friend, Sally, sent me the link to this slide show.

Turn on your speakers and be still ....

www.iwo.com/heroes.htm