Torn

Earlier this month, we began the last year of our committment to the Army. Last year at this time, we were sure that we'd be staying in -- if not for 20 years, at least long enough for Jon to get his master's degree and possibly teach somewhere. However, since then our thoughts about staying in have changed a lot. We are honestly torn about whether we should stay in the Army or join the civilian world. It is SUCH a hard decision -- especially because we are looking at two opposite ends of the military spectrum -- getting out or trying for Special Forces.

I have been trying to just leave the decision up to Jon, and let him know that I will support him either way. We both trust that the Lord will guide us to where we're supposed to be. This doesn't mean I don't think about it every day, though! Each day, I go back and forth about what I think we should do. Selfishly, I often find myself wanting him home with me and out of harm's way forever. I want him to be able to enjoy being a father who is always home with his kids -- sometimes the thought of being a single mother scares me. Of course, when I talk to anyone in my family about this, they nod their heads adamantly and say that the best thing for our family would be for Jon to get out of the Army.

But then I find myself looking at the whole thing from a different perspective. When I look at the job description for Special Forces, I feel like it perfectly describes my husband. He LOVES that kind of stuff! The more challenging and impossible a task is, the more he enjoys it. He loves the physical part of his job. He thrives on the responsiblity of leading people and the bonds he creates with his soldiers. I know that Jon would try for special for Special Forces without even a second thought if he was still a single soldier. My biggest fear is that if we do decide to get out, Jon will look back in 10 years and say, "I wish I would've ... ." I know that our first priority should be our family -- and that the healthiest families probably have both parents around most of the time. However, I also believe that some people have a higher calling, and are called to make sacrifices in order to make a difference in this world. After all, our country was founded and developed by men and women who had the courage to make these sacrifices.

Anyways, as I was talking to Jon last night, I told him that I wish we could talk with a Special Forces family to see what advice they would have for us. Like ... What is life really like for an SF family? Would you make the same decision all over again? How do your kids adjust? If there are any SF families out there who have any words of wisdom, I would love to hear from you! And those of you who have already made the decision to stay in or get out -- what are some of the different things you considered?

Like I said, we completely trust that the Lord will show us just where we're supposed to be! And I know we'll end up happy either way. We have plenty of time to decide, we're just a little torn right now!