What I'm Thinking ...

First of all, because he called all the way from Afghanistan this morning just to beg for more pictures, these are for you, Uncle Pat. We can't wait until you get home.

Now, are you ready for some rambling?

It has been quite a week. Last week just kind of stunk, actually. Tanner and I pretty much butted heads all day, everyday. I was irritable. He wasn't obeying. A recipe for disaster, I guess you could say. On Wednesday morning, he was up at 4:55 am. For. The. Day. By 9:00, we had eaten breakfast, cooked together, had a few timeouts, done a few projects, watched a few shows, had some snacks. And he was still whining at me. Finally, at 9:15, I locked myself in the laundry room and turned the dryer on to block out the noise. Tanner sat outside where the light switches are and flipped them on and off. Nice. I prayed. It went a little something like this:

"Are you there, God? It's me, Rachel. Here I am with my cup of coffee, which I've already had to microwave 16 times this morning. You've gotta help me here. Is it ALWAYS going to be like this?


Will he EVER obey me? I'm trying so hard. Please help me to be a good mom. You wanna know my worst fear? I mean ... you already know, but I'm gonna say it anyway. My worst fear is that he'll be the naughty kid in school. I KNOW ... it's so stupid! But I just hated the naughty kids in school and I don't want him to be one of them! Can you help me out here? Please? Otherwise, I just might stay in here all day, which wouldn't be good because Landon is climbing up onto TABLES and things now, and I don't want him to hurt himself. Okay, thanks. AMEN."



It turns out I had a playdate scheduled with another family at a children's museum nearby ... which was good, because it forced me to come out of the laundry room, get sippy cups and diapers together, wrestle socks, shoes, and coats on my kids, and leave the house.

God must have been listening to me because something good happened at the museum. I ran into another good friend who was picking her son up from the preschool that is housed in the same building. He goes to a special class for 2 and 3 year-olds. It's a drop-off program where kids aren't required to be potty trained. It's just 2 hours, 2 days a week. She had told me about the program several times before, but I have always dismissed it. Even though a lot of my friends send their children to programs like this, I've been very resistant towards it. I've always felt that the best place for Tanner was home with me. And I honestly think it was ... until about 3 weeks ago. And sadly, I think that now he needs something more. In some ways, that makes me excited for him. And in others, it makes me feel like a total failure.



I guess I had this vision that my home would be like a little classroom for my kids. Like a little preschool where we were always reading, singing, playing games, doing crafts and artwork. And as hard as I tried, between the mountains of laundry, all the nursing and diapers, cooking 3 meals a day and then cleaning them up, I just couldn't make it happen like that.

Anyways, this friend asked how we were doing, and I told her. She really encouraged me to look into this program. And I did. Tomorrow is officially Tanner's first day at "school." Since I signed him up at the end of last week, I have felt such a RELIEF. We have been getting along so much better. I have been appreciating him so much more. And I've been carefully planning what I'm going to do with TWO WHOLE HOURS and just one child.


Tanner, on the other hand, has been a little concerned about how he's going to be delivered to school. The bus stops right in front of our house each morning and he's always loved watching the kids get on. He's very worried right now that he is going to have to ride the bus to school and that he's going to fall and hit his head in the process. He wants to make sure that I hold him on the bus, that Daddy drives the bus, and that Daddy holds Landon ... while he's driving. Did you get all that? I keep reassuring him that Mommy is going to take him to school in her VAN, but he's not really getting it. Hopefully after tomorrow, he'll feel better about the transportation situation.




Are you still reading this? Wanna know what else is going on?

1) The other night during bathtime, little brother pulled the little lever that starts the shower. And the water hit big brother right between the eyes. Now big brother is freaked out during bathtime and constantly trying to jump out of the tub ... "NO!!! It's gonna RAIN!! It's gonna RAIN!!"

2) Little brother has watched big brother jump out of the bathtub so often that he wants to do it, too. So, he lifts his little fat leg up just high enough to propel him over the edge. He's like a little greased pig and it's all I can do to catch him before he hits the floor. Between the two of them, I'm constantly tossing SOMEONE back into the bathtub.


3) I had to start giving Landon formula about two weeks ago, which was kind of a bummer. Only because I made it 10.5 months and I really only had 6 weeks to go. But, I couldn't let him starve, so formula it is! And, I actually think he prefers the bottle. He even drinks it cold! He's so independent that I think he likes feeding himself instead of having to involve me in the whole process.

4) We've had enough of the early morning wake-ups from Tanner. His door is back to being locked at night now, and the whole family (Tanner included) is sleeping much better. My mom told me to tell him that the doctor said he had to have his door locked until he turned 4. I totally laughed at her when she said that ... "Ummm ... okay, Mom. Like THAT's going to work?" But, it did. I'll totally be using THAT trick again! Just wait until he knows what a POLICE OFFICER is ... then I'll really have some leverage!

Are you sick of scrolling down? Because I'm tired of writing. And I need to get to bed. After all ... tomorrow is a big day ... the first day of SCHOOL!!!